Dear Writers, Please Blank
by The Great Mikey Weston
Summary: The characters of the Mario franchise send letters to fan fiction writers.
1. Sincerely, Mario

_Hello! Today I discovered a funny little series that has been swarming the web called "Dear Fanfiction Writers". There is no Mario one as far as I know, so I've decided to make one. (And yes, the title is a reference to Dear Blank Please Blank.) Anyway, you know what the drill is: a character writes to the fandom about a cliche that people love to do in this archive (note that this is just how they would REACT- I am in no way a hater of any of these cliches, I may actually like some of them). This first chapter will be an example for you. And yes this is a humor fic. No not all of the author's notes will be this long, this is an introduction._

_Anyway enjoy! And review, favorite, etc etc... or don't, if you don't want to, that's okay too._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

I am not going to get bored of saving the princess, or the kingdom, or the world, or all worlds, or whatever else I have to save. I'm a hero. It's kind of my thing.

Sincerely, Mario

PS: Plumbing does not put bread on the table.


	2. Sincerely, King Bowser

_...I got bored, so here, have another one!_

_Still don't own Mario!_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

No, it's NOT a baseless rumor. I am in fact in love with Princess Peach.

Sincerely, King Bowser


	3. Sincerely, Princess Peach

_Had to be done._

_(don't own Mario)_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

The cake isn't a lie. It's quite real, and quite delicious.

Sincerely, Princess Peach


	4. Sincerely, Mario 'REDACTED'

_This was actually officially announced, I believe._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

My last name is NOT Mario.

Sincerely, Mario [REDACTED]


	5. Sincerely, males

_...Take note of this one. :P (I don't object to it- it just happens too often.)_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Why are girls always coming here from other worlds or dimensions? …And for that matter, why do they love us?

Sincerely, confused males of the Mushroom world


	6. Sincerely, Wario and Waluigi

_Wow, the ONE day I'm busy and don't post anything I get tons of reviews XD Thanks, by the way, and enjoy the next batch of DWPB!_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Do we get paid for being in your fanfics? ...Yeah, we didn't think so.

Sincerely, Wario and Waluigi


	7. Sincerely, the Koopalings

_No offense to anyone who has done this. It's just... there are too many of them, IMO. xD_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

And what if we don't WANT to answer your questions? What then?

Sincerely, the Koopalings


	8. Sincerely, Toad and Toadette

_I think I'm going to do a Yoshi chapter and a Daisy chapter, and then start to move on to specific game characters (i.e., say, Starlow/Chippy from Bowser's Inside Story). Enjoy as always~_

_Still don't own Mario,_ _btw._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

…so are we siblings, or...?

Sincerely, a very confused Toad and Toadette


	9. Sincerely, Luigi

_Cripes, how could I have forgotten about our beloved green hero? !_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

THANK YOU, MY WONDERFUL FANS! I LOVE YOU ALL!

Sincerely, Luigi


	10. Sincerely, Yoshi

_...Look everyone, I made a comment that isn't really a comment! *hooray*_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

OM NOM NOM.

Sincerely, Yoshi


	11. Sincerely, Princess Daisy

_If anyone questions this: remember Mario Kart Wii._

_ALSO, from here we'll be moving onto not just general Mario characters, but to specific ones, too. And I've been thinking about something recently... if you want to respond to the characters' letters, feel free... some of you already have (most notably Boss-defeater451, who has indeed done some very brilliant responses), but I'm considering, if and when I end this fic, putting a big chapter with the letter responses I thought summed up a good retort. Admittedly that's still an if, but... I dunno. Enjoy~_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Thanks for making our relationship canon!

Sincerely, Princess Daisy, Luigi's girlfriend


	12. Sincerely, Prince Peasley

Dear fanfiction writers,

Oh, so just because I gave Luigi a rose to get in the castle, that makes me gay? FYI, yellow roses are signs of _friendship, **without** romance._

Sincerely, Prince Peasley

PS: I suppose you're going to say I'm a vampire next just because I have gloriously shiny hair?

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><p><em>Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, eh, Peasley? :P If you were gay, that'd be okay, 'cause I mean hey, I'd like you anyway...<em>

_...but if you were a sparkly vampire I'd hate you._


	13. Sincerely, Bowser Jr

_Because seriously, he's like... six... and people apparently enjoy pairing him up. Aged up, fine go ahead, but come on, as he is?_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Girls are icky!

Sincerely, Bowser Jr.


	14. Sincerely, Watt

_To all you confused Paper Mario players out there..._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

I'M A GIRL!

Sincerely, Watt


	15. Sincerely, Doopliss and Mimi

_Because some people have the bad habit of pairing two people **just because** they're of the same race, or they're the same age, or they're similar in some way that actually has **nothing to do** with "Would they even like each other?" In this case, though, depending on the setup, I personally think the two of them would either be good friends, or would absolutely despise each other. And good friends could progress. Idk. Enough of my rambling._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

RACIST!

Sincerely, the frequently paired Doopliss and Mimi


	16. Sincerely, Rosalina

_Alright, alright, so maybe I'm a little guilty here of making this sort of my own opinion. But you have to admit it makes sense._

_**Also**, I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who's reviewed, favorited, alerted, and even just visited this fic for all of your support! I really appreciate it! Thank you so much~ (Now if only I could get this much support on my real fics..._ xD)

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

The stars are my only loves.

Sincerely, Rosalina


	17. Sincerely, Dimentio, Charming Magician

_*gives everyone guilty of doing this an amused look and a hi-five*_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

STOP ANNOYING ME.

Sincerely, Dimentio, Charming Magician


	18. Sincerely, a very confused Mario

_I have to question this because it's practically mandatory, but I'm pretty sure I know the answer..._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

So I'm a strong and silent protagonist who protects a princess, and I'm just an average hero, but somehow that same logic makes Link sexy?

Sincerely, a very confused Mario


	19. Sincerely, Count Bleck

_Hey guys, I'm updating again~! Life's been hectic, but I figured I should at least update this if I'm not going to update Black Apples... :/_

_As for this letter... 'Nuff said... :P_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Count Bleck is not in need of another minion.

Sincerely, Count Bleck


	20. Sincerely, proud father King Bowser

_Wow, I've neglected this thing for a long time. As soon as I haul my lazy butt to the keyboard to write more stuff (blame the end of the school year) **I'll have more chapters fresh off the press:** stuff like Black Apples, SPMaria (which has been on hiatus long enough), Four Swords Facebook, Castle Bleck Chatroom, all that good stuff (maybe even some new sporkfics for those of you who follow the Warriors archive). Anyway, here's another batch of letters to you, the authors!_

_**BY THE WAY-** Peach the Hedgehog voiced a concern that the authors' notes can be longer than the actual letters. (...like this chapter.) I know. **Most of these letters are meant to be one-line-jokes.** One sentence, a witty ending, leave it to soak in. If you look at most of the other stories like this, **they're relatively the same thing.** I'll try to refrain from lengthy author's notes from here on out, though._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

I have eight kids. …Only eight, mind you. No more, no less.

Sincerely, King Bowser, a very proud father


	21. Sincerely, inhabitants of Castle Bleck

_Took a look at the archive and... dang... o-0_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

…_Whoa!_

Sincerely, the inhabitants of Castle Bleck, shocked at the surge of SPM fanfics


	22. Sincerely, Princess Peach 2

_Had to be done._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

No, I'm never going to fall in love with Bowser.

Sincerely, Princess Peach


	23. Sincerely, Mr L

_Has anyone else noticed this yet? XD_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

Sincerely, new annoyance target: Mr. L


	24. Sincerely, Timpani

_Wow, you guys, talk about a hailstorm of reviews! :D I believe someone requested a Timpani letter. You asked, I'll deliver!_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Do I always have to be blonde?

Sincerely, Timpani


	25. Sincerely, Mario 2

_*points to letter, nods*_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

I am not mute. You hear me talk and make sounds in games all the time!

Sincerely, Mario


	26. Sincerely, Koops

_*guilty KoopsxVivian shipper*_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

Um… I have a girlfriend…

Sincerely, Koops


	27. Sincerely, Luigi the Ghostbuster

_I noticed there was a spike in Luigi's Mansion/horror fics a while back, so... here._

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

WHO YA GONNA CALL?

Sincerely, …me, right? You know… Luigi?


	28. Sincerely, Dimentio, Charming Magician 2

_Considering all of the Dimentio fics, there's probably not going to be a shortage of Dimentio letters... xD_

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><p>Dear fangirl fanfiction writers,<p>

No.

Sincerely, Dimentio will never love you


	29. Sincerely, TTYD partners

_...I've... been wondering what brought this on... o-0_

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><p>Dear fanfiction writers,<p>

What's with all the fanfics about us lately, huh? Especially the creepy ones?

Sincerely, Paper Mario TTYD partners


End file.
